Homecoming was last night. I danced like crazy for three solid hours, and woke up this morning in epic amounts of pain. My calves hurt, my neck hurts, and I think I fucked up my hip. But it doesn't matter. I've never felt more alive
When I first got to the dance, I was really self-conscious. It was a formal dance, but I was wearing my green yoga pants under a short pink and black striped dress. With rainbow toe socks and thong-sandals. Formal, huh?
People kept staring at me, but you know what? I was comfy.
After a few songs, I stopped shivering and was able to sort of relax. And then they played "Moves Like Jagger" and I got totally jazzed up. (And I thought of you, Laura. You and your boobs like Jagger...
And then I just decided to stop caring what other people thought. Because when has that ever stopped me from doing the things that I love? I danced my fool heart out, and when people stared, I stared at them right back. I jumped for joy and sang at the top of my lungs and let the music carry me away. And suddenly I didn't even feel like I was there anymore. I didn't feel my body, or anything. I felt infinite.
And this one boy who has had an unrequited crush on me since 6th grade hung out with me for half the night, which was awkward at first, but then I just didn't care. We sang "Sweet Child Of Mine" at the top of our lungs, and he liked my Slash impression. And I first I expected him to be weirded out by my energy and crazy dance moves, but he was actually in awe of them. And that kinda felt good.
I don't think that I have ever felt more confident than I did last night. I never want to lose that feeling... ever.
And I want you all to feel that. I want to be able to dance like crazy with each and every one of you, so we can all feel infinite.
And I want to throw my head back and laugh, and know that the world will laugh with me. Because I don't want anyone to be sad anymore. Credit goes to the book Perks of Being a Wallflower for the ingenious quote about feeling infinite.