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Submitted on
June 8
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tomorrow morning i will be
two again and scared of the shadows.
i will be two again and i will not
look out the window unless you are
holding my hand,
i will be two again and my father will
be the biggest man on earth again

but tonight i am eighteen, i am
eighteen, i am
holding the world in my chest and it is
beating like a heart (well then it must be my heart)
china digs a pattern in my backbone and i
am red red red red
i am a communist daughter and
the trains to shanghai will leave something
to be desired
i am eighteen, i am
all the life in the world
stacked around a schoolruined spine
and the world moves softly and she

touches me gently with her face

and then slides away.


tomorrow morning i will be
five again and i will be happy,
i will be five again and i will not
look at my body the way my mother looks at her body,
i will be five again
and people will just be pretty, people will just be
"beautiful,"
tomorrow morning
people will just be
people

but tonight i am eighteen, i am
eighteen and money is more important than love
so when they pull up in their cars i'll get in
and forget that my body has a heart, too,
tonight i am eighteen and
i'll forget that i am a person, too.


tomorrow morning i'll be sixteen again
and scared of taxes
i'll be sixteen again and scared of time
and the wind will scare me and the trees will scare me
and my heart beat-beating in my chest
will scare me,
i'll be sixteen again and
the adult world will scare me

but tonight i am eighteen, i am
eighteen and mental illness has a colour scheme
i am all the life in the world
crammed into an experimental capsule
(first time's free)
i am eighteen and the world
is soft and dark and
i lick the corners and they smile up at me

tonight i am eighteen, and i am
eighty-five,

and i am tired,
and i am worn,
and i am
unafraid.
At least not sleeping gives me inspiration... But I don't know what this is. 
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Daily Deviation

Given 2014-06-18
tonight i am old again by Mercury-the-Queen reads like a bad trip's time dilation, yet, as the suggester says, it is "so real and so tender". Strength and weakness meet in the shift from a child's perspective to an adult one. ( Suggested by WolfxButterfly and Featured by ShadowedAcolyte )
:iconyoungandhopeless89:
youngandhopeless89 Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2014  New member Student Writer
very beautiful, i love where you said you forget your body has a heart too. again very beautiful piece of writing
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:iconkmkila95:
kmkila95 Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2014  Student General Artist
"tonight I am eighteen , and I am 85, and I am worn and unafraid."
this line moves my heart
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:iconmercury-the-queen:
Mercury-the-Queen Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2014
:heart: I'm so happy you like it. :)
Reply
:iconorangehammerhead:
OrangeHammerhead Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2014
this is a great piece of writing. it gave me goosebumps! nicely done.  Love 
Reply
:iconmercury-the-queen:
Mercury-the-Queen Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2014
Thank you very much! :D
Reply
:iconallify67:
Allify67 Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2014  Student Digital Artist
Wow. Beautiful. 
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:iconmercury-the-queen:
Mercury-the-Queen Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2014
Thank you!
Reply
:iconredclockticktock:
RedClockTickTock Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2014
"mental illness has a colour scheme"
<3
Reply
:iconmercury-the-queen:
Mercury-the-Queen Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2014
Deep reds, oranges and purples, depending on the illness. :heart: Thanks so much for reading. :)
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