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tomorrow morning i will be
two again and scared of the shadows.
i will be two again and i will not
look out the window unless you are
holding my hand,
i will be two again and my father will
be the biggest man on earth again

but tonight i am eighteen, i am
eighteen, i am
holding the world in my chest and it is
beating like a heart (well then it must be my heart)
china digs a pattern in my backbone and i
am red red red red
i am a communist daughter and
the trains to shanghai will leave something
to be desired
i am eighteen, i am
all the life in the world
stacked around a schoolruined spine
and the world moves softly and she

touches me gently with her face

and then slides away.


tomorrow morning i will be
five again and i will be happy,
i will be five again and i will not
look at my body the way my mother looks at her body,
i will be five again
and people will just be pretty, people will just be
"beautiful,"
tomorrow morning
people will just be
people

but tonight i am eighteen, i am
eighteen and money is more important than love
so when they pull up in their cars i'll get in
and forget that my body has a heart, too,
tonight i am eighteen and
i'll forget that i am a person, too.


tomorrow morning i'll be sixteen again
and scared of taxes
i'll be sixteen again and scared of time
and the wind will scare me and the trees will scare me
and my heart beat-beating in my chest
will scare me,
i'll be sixteen again and
the adult world will scare me

but tonight i am eighteen, i am
eighteen and mental illness has a colour scheme
i am all the life in the world
crammed into an experimental capsule
(first time's free)
i am eighteen and the world
is soft and dark and
i lick the corners and they smile up at me

tonight i am eighteen, and i am
eighty-five,

and i am tired,
and i am worn,
and i am
unafraid.
At least not sleeping gives me inspiration... But I don't know what this is. 
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Daily Deviation

Given 2014-06-18
tonight i am old again by Mercury-the-Queen reads like a bad trip's time dilation, yet, as the suggester says, it is "so real and so tender". Strength and weakness meet in the shift from a child's perspective to an adult one. ( Suggested by WolfxButterfly and Featured by ShadowedAcolyte )
:iconfern-coleone:
Fern-Coleone Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2015  New Deviant Hobbyist Writer
Keep it up, can't find any words to explain how amazing this is. To me, this is brilliant. Please never stop.
Reply
:iconmercury-the-queen:
Mercury-the-Queen Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2015
Thank you so much, your encouragement means so much to me. <3 I won't ever stop, thank you so much. <3
Reply
:iconmercury-the-queen:
Mercury-the-Queen Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2015
Ooh, thank you so much! I am honoured... :D
Reply
:iconpaperbackrevelations:
PaperbackRevelations Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
My pleasure! :) 
Reply
:iconpaperbackrevelations:
PaperbackRevelations Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Wow :O I can certainly see why this got a DD!  There are so many emotions all at once, and it really captures how much there is to one person's life and yet also how short it is...  I absolutely love the last two stanzas; they're extremely powerful.

I'm honestly having trouble expressing how this piece made me feel.  I just love it.  Favourite thing I've read in a while! 
Reply
:iconmercury-the-queen:
Mercury-the-Queen Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2015
Goodness, child... Thank you a million times. I'm all fuzzy-feeling now. <3 Thank you so much, and I hope you have a wonderful day. :)
Reply
:iconpaperbackrevelations:
PaperbackRevelations Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
You're very welcome, and same to you :) 
Reply
:iconyoungandhopeless89:
youngandhopeless89 Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2014  Student Writer
very beautiful, i love where you said you forget your body has a heart too. again very beautiful piece of writing
Reply
:iconkmkila95:
kmkila95 Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2014  Student General Artist
"tonight I am eighteen , and I am 85, and I am worn and unafraid."
this line moves my heart
Reply
:iconmercury-the-queen:
Mercury-the-Queen Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2014
:heart: I'm so happy you like it. :)
Reply
:iconorangehammerhead:
OrangeHammerhead Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2014
this is a great piece of writing. it gave me goosebumps! nicely done.  Love 
Reply
:iconmercury-the-queen:
Mercury-the-Queen Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2014
Thank you very much! :D
Reply
:iconallify67:
Allify67 Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2014  Student Digital Artist
Wow. Beautiful. 
Reply
:iconmercury-the-queen:
Mercury-the-Queen Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2014
Thank you!
Reply
:iconredclockticktock:
RedClockTickTock Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2014
"mental illness has a colour scheme"
<3
Reply
:iconmercury-the-queen:
Mercury-the-Queen Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2014
Deep reds, oranges and purples, depending on the illness. :heart: Thanks so much for reading. :)
Reply
Flagged as Spam
:iconmercury-the-queen:
Mercury-the-Queen Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2014
Thanks!
Reply
Flagged as Spam
:iconlightsonluna:
LightsOnLuna Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
This is amazing! Congrats on the DD!
Reply
:iconmercury-the-queen:
Mercury-the-Queen Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2014
Thank you!
Reply
:icondoublethefun:
doublethefun Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2014
I LOVE this.
"mental illness has a color scheme"
I could honestly quote the whole thing, but I really loved that line
Reply
:iconmercury-the-queen:
Mercury-the-Queen Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2014
Oh goodness... Thank you so much. You're a dear. :heart:
Reply
:icondelia-is-the-bomb:
Delia-is-the-BOMB Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2014  Student Traditional Artist
That was really well-written
Reply
:iconmercury-the-queen:
Mercury-the-Queen Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2014
Thank you very much! 
Reply
:iconcopper9lives:
copper9lives Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2014  Professional General Artist
Poignant, and potent.
Reply
:iconmercury-the-queen:
Mercury-the-Queen Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2014
Thank you. :)
Reply
:iconcopper9lives:
copper9lives Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2014  Professional General Artist
My pleasure! :heart:
Reply
:icongutemseth:
Gutemseth Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
<font><font>gostei :)

</font></font>
Reply
:iconmercury-the-queen:
Mercury-the-Queen Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2014
Obrigado. :D
Reply
:iconthegalleryofeve:
TheGalleryOfEve Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Congratulations on your well-deserved DD!!! :iconflyingheartsplz::iconlainloveplz::iconflyingheartsplz: :clap::clap::clap:
I’m very happy for you!!! :iconloveloveplz: :tighthug:
Reply
:iconmercury-the-queen:
Mercury-the-Queen Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2014
Thank you very much, sweetheart. :heart:
Reply
:iconthegalleryofeve:
TheGalleryOfEve Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
:iconflyingheartsplz::iconsweethugplz::iconflyingheartsplz:
Reply
:iconirishtemper:
IrishTemper Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
:clap: Congratulations on the DD.  This was extremely well done, and I thoroughly enjoyed it!
Reply
:iconmercury-the-queen:
Mercury-the-Queen Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2014
Thank you, thank you! :D
Reply
:iconcristinewakesuphappy:
cristinewakesuphappy Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
:iconcongratsdd1plz::iconcongratsdd2plz::iconcongratsdd3plz:
Reply
:iconmercury-the-queen:
Mercury-the-Queen Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2014
Thanks!
Reply
:iconwadr5535:
wADr5535 Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2014
Really beautiful, but I recommend fixing your grammar. Great job!
Reply
:iconmercury-the-queen:
Mercury-the-Queen Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2014
Thank you! Which bit needs fixed? I'm usually a grammar nazi, so this will bother me... :P
Reply
:iconwadr5535:
wADr5535 Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2014
Well, all of your capitalization, and you missed a couple commas. But otherwise, awesome! XD
Reply
:iconmercury-the-queen:
Mercury-the-Queen Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2014
The capitalization is done on purpose, and when I don't have a comma that signals a quicker transition into the next line/stanza. But I'll take a look. Thanks! 
Reply
:iconwadr5535:
wADr5535 Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2014
Oh, your welcome! And thank you for not flipping out when I told you! XD
Reply
:iconmercury-the-queen:
Mercury-the-Queen Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2014
Ha, I'm open to criticism, my dear. It just makes me a better writer. :)
Reply
:iconwadr5535:
wADr5535 Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2014
XD Most people aren't, so I respect you for that!
Reply
:iconmyrine86:
Myrine86 Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
I am really at a loss for words right now
Reply
:iconincogxito:
incogxito Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
you really deserved a dd, loved ur poem :love:
Reply
:iconmercury-the-queen:
Mercury-the-Queen Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2014
Ooh, thank you. :)
Reply
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June 8, 2014
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