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she was a stormcloud, and you loved her,
and the two of you took walks and wore
nothing but promises,
broken chains and
strands of pinkish pearls.

and the two of you kissed under trees that attracted silver lightning
(metal branches scraped the sky, and you, always faithful,
tipped your coat over her head to keep her dry.)

but she never stayed that way.
in an instant, she had whirled into the rain
and danced without clothes,
without cares,

without you.

and she left you
with the pain of frostbite on your naked skin
where you trusted her to kiss you warm,
and you thought you heard her laughter
when the sun came out again the next day,

and the next.

but
she was a stormcloud, and you loved her,
and you didn't know it at the time but

stormclouds lie
(and they never
love you
back. )
...

Not revised, due to inability to focus for long periods of time. I hope this is readable. :X
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:iconblonde922:
Blonde922 Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
great poem
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:iconmercury-the-queen:
Mercury-the-Queen Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2012
Thank you! :D
Reply
:iconaluress:
aluress Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2012
Holy crap man.. 0_0 oh my goodness Cay, this is legit one of the best things I've ever seen you write.. I am astounded, seriously, my mouth kinda hung open for a minute.. wow, you wrote this beautifully and gave me such imagery.. i'm tempted to sketch something to this.. wowww.. :)
Reply
:iconmercury-the-queen:
Mercury-the-Queen Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2012
Oh... :blush: Really? Um, thanks... :giggle: (I'm kind of speechless, if you can't tell... =P) I'm really glad you liked this, and I'd be thrilled if you DID sketch something to it... :la: You don't have to, though. ;P Oh, but thank you so much for the grin-inducing comment. :tighthug:
Reply
:iconblonde922:
Blonde922 Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Really a great poem
Reply
:iconmercury-the-queen:
Mercury-the-Queen Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2012
Thank you so much. :D
Reply
:iconriseandbe:
RiseandBe Featured By Owner Jun 7, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Fantastic!
Reply
:iconmercury-the-queen:
Mercury-the-Queen Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2012
Thank you! :D
Reply
:iconrair15:
Rair15 Featured By Owner Jun 5, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I love this part: "stormclouds lie (and they never love you back.)" awesome! :P
Reply
:iconmercury-the-queen:
Mercury-the-Queen Featured By Owner Jun 6, 2012
Oooh, thank you! I'm glad you liked that part. :la:
Reply
:iconzombiifissh:
ZombiiFissh Featured By Owner Jun 5, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
Ahaaaa I know I say this about everything I comment on of yours, but I thought it was great! Really lets you see what the other side feels when things like that go down if you're not a stormcloud yourself (which I am so I find it quite insightful =) )
Reply
:iconmercury-the-queen:
Mercury-the-Queen Featured By Owner Jun 6, 2012
:squee: I'm glad you liked it! You're a stormcloud? Ha, that's awesome. I've never met anyone who described themselves that way! :D Thank you so much for the lovely comment, darling. I appreciate it. ^^
Reply
:iconzombiifissh:
ZombiiFissh Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
I think that you've described it much better, madam! ^_^
Reply
:iconlucain24:
Lucain24 Featured By Owner Jun 5, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I'm...sorry...:'(
Reply
:iconmercury-the-queen:
Mercury-the-Queen Featured By Owner Jun 5, 2012
For what, honey?
Reply
:iconlucain24:
Lucain24 Featured By Owner Jun 5, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I just am...:'(
Reply
:iconmercury-the-queen:
Mercury-the-Queen Featured By Owner Jun 6, 2012
Don't be. There's no need to be sorry. :/
Reply
:iconlucain24:
Lucain24 Featured By Owner Jun 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I know...btw she read it.
Reply
:iconmercury-the-queen:
Mercury-the-Queen Featured By Owner Jun 6, 2012
What did she think? :/
Reply
:iconlucain24:
Lucain24 Featured By Owner Jun 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
She like it, then felt bad...
Reply
:iconmercury-the-queen:
Mercury-the-Queen Featured By Owner Jun 6, 2012
Ah... Well, I hope it makes her think and maybe act nicer... :)
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconmikgeta:
Mikgeta Featured By Owner Jun 4, 2012  Student Writer
This is really amazing
Reply
:iconmercury-the-queen:
Mercury-the-Queen Featured By Owner Jun 5, 2012
Thank you! :heart:
Reply
:iconmikgeta:
Mikgeta Featured By Owner Jun 5, 2012  Student Writer
^^
Reply
:iconsalali-k:
Salali-K Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
This is wonderful and you are awesome because you can create this kind of stuff even with vertigo. There are definitely going to be published works in your future :)
Reply
:iconmercury-the-queen:
Mercury-the-Queen Featured By Owner Jun 4, 2012
D'aww, thank you... :blush: I think the vertigo has ended my writer's block because it's made me more emotional... :XD: Thank you so much for your support. I can't begin to tell you how much I appreciate it. :heart:
Reply
:iconlittlemayniac:
LittleMayniac Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
It is amazing! Do not revise it, it is already stunning :heart:
Some of the most beautiful literature was never revised :)
Reply
:iconmercury-the-queen:
Mercury-the-Queen Featured By Owner Jun 4, 2012
Thank you! Thank you so much. :)
:heart:
Reply
:iconlittlemayniac:
LittleMayniac Featured By Owner Jun 4, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
You're very very welcome :hug:
Reply
:iconwalkingwithbarefeet:
WalkingWithBarefeet Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
Readable?! It is amazingggg!!! I love love LOVE the comparison to storms, and the coldness and loneliness of heartbreak.... this is another beauty, as always, darling! :huggle: Definitely NOT in need of revising, that's for sure. :giggle:
Reply
:iconmercury-the-queen:
Mercury-the-Queen Featured By Owner Jun 4, 2012
Yay! I'm happy that you enjoyed it. Thank you so so so so so much for your kind words! :love: And thank you for being my friend. :heart:
Reply
:iconwalkingwithbarefeet:
WalkingWithBarefeet Featured By Owner Jun 5, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
:tighthug: The feeling is mutual! :D
Reply
:iconpen-and-mouse:
Pen-and-mouse Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2012
It's more than readable. It's IMPOSSIBLE not to read it over and over again. You imagination is out-of-this-world and you make me so much happier with your writing and your whole being. It seems that you take the images that I had somewhere in my mind and put them into words in such a beautiful way.:heart:
I'd love to point the parts I like the most, but I can't.
You're my favourite poet.:worship: I really mean that.
Reply
:iconmercury-the-queen:
Mercury-the-Queen Featured By Owner Jun 4, 2012
... :squee: I can't even... begin to describe the feelings your comments give me. :faint: Your favorite poet? I... wow. I feel like happy-crying. :happycry: Thank you so much, darling. I'm just happy that you liked it. Wow... I'm going to wander around the house today and glow because of all the nice things you've said. You'll give me a big head, darling! ;P
Reply
:iconpen-and-mouse:
Pen-and-mouse Featured By Owner Jun 6, 2012
Yes, darling, you're the most incredible poet and writer I've ever met.:heart: And I'm JUST happy that you feel that way. And that I can make you glow.;) Nah, I don't believe in big-headed Cailins.;P
Reply
:iconmercury-the-queen:
Mercury-the-Queen Featured By Owner Jun 7, 2012
Wow... :happycry: I don't know what to say. I'll just hug you and never let go, and hope that works... :tighthug: You always make me glow, darling. :heart: Yay! :giggle:
Reply
:iconpen-and-mouse:
Pen-and-mouse Featured By Owner Jun 7, 2012
That sure works!:giggle: :huggle::tighthug::glomp: The same goes to you.:heart:
Reply
:iconmercury-the-queen:
Mercury-the-Queen Featured By Owner Jun 7, 2012
:iconawwplz:
Reply
:iconkittyailla:
KittyAilla Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2012
I love this poem :)
Good idea and a lot of talent :)
Reply
:iconmercury-the-queen:
Mercury-the-Queen Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2012
I'm so glad you liked it! :la: Thank you. :)
Reply
:iconsingagainsoon:
singagainsoon Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Don't revise it, it's perfect c:
Reply
:iconmercury-the-queen:
Mercury-the-Queen Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2012
I've decided not to. Thank you so much. :)
Reply
:iconsingagainsoon:
singagainsoon Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome (: it's an amazing poem.
Reply
:iconmori-girl-writes:
Mori-Girl-Writes Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
So lovely, no need to revise, poetry is best when it's raw and from the heart. :)
Reply
:iconmercury-the-queen:
Mercury-the-Queen Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2012
Thank you, darling. :D
Reply
:iconmusesdaughter:
MusesDaughter Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
don't revise. This is perfect.
Reply
:iconmercury-the-queen:
Mercury-the-Queen Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2012
I won't. Thank you! :heart:
Reply
:iconmusesdaughter:
MusesDaughter Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
:)
Reply
:iconmandyb82:
MandyB82 Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2012
Hon, you don't need to revise it...it's already golden :heart:.

How do you do it? Everything you submit here is amazing! :D
Reply
:iconmercury-the-queen:
Mercury-the-Queen Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2012
Yay! :giggle: Thank you.

D'aww... You're crazy. ;P Most of this stuff is just proof of how far I've come- which means that most of it is garbage.:lol: I'm glad you don't agree with me, though.:XD: I just think I'm a little harsh on it because it's mine. :XD:
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June 2, 2012
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